Five Simple Steps To Stop Being A Victim

By Pinyo, on November 11, 2008

A while back, I wrote about victim mentality and how it could negatively impact you in many ways; including your financial health.  Mostly, it was a story used to demonstrate a point, but it didn’t offer any specific solution besides telling you to focus on factors that you can control.  In this article, I want to look at victim mentality a little closer and offer some specific ways to attack the problem.

Just a quick note…I said simple, not easy. It will take a lot of effort, especially if it’s your modus operandi.

1. Don’t Play The Blame Game

The most important step to stop being a victim is to avoid playing the blame game.  When you’re finding yourself in a problem or a situation, don’t start to blame others or even yourself.  That’s what victims do.

Seriously, how does placing blame help? Your goal is to solve the problem at hand, or to minimize the damage.  Placing blame doesn’t help you achieve either goal.  Yes, you may feel better or even feel a sense of closure when you blame someone or something.  Unfortunately, the problem is still there.

Example: Here’s a situation that just happened to me.  Yesterday, I got a $1,200 electricity bill — yes, ouch.  I could’ve easily blamed it on the rising electricity costs, the economy, or other family members for not being conservative.  For a victim, these justifications would have been enough to settle the problem without solving it.

2. Ask Why And Seek The Truth

The next step is to seek the truth, and I mean unbiasedly seek the truth.  What just went wrong?  Why did it happen?  Ask a lot of “why” questions.  Look for the cause and effect.  Your goal is to look for the underlying factors that caused the problem. Again, don’t think about whom to blame.

Example: Following the situation above, I might list the following reasons:

• Rising electricity cost
• Poor insulation
• Too many appliances
• Not being conservative

3. Identify Control

Now that you know the reasons, let’s take a look and see if you can make a difference.  Is it under control, or is it completely out of your hand.  If it’s out of your hand, then acknowledge it, but don’t fret.  In the end, it’s a waste of your time and energy to focus on things that are not under your control.  On the other hand, if it’s under you control, then there’s an opportunity for improvement.

Example: Continuing with our example, I could say that the first factor “rising electricity cost” is not under my control, but I can certainly affect the other three factors.

4. Search For A Solution

If you can get through the first three steps, you are on your way to finding a solution to your problem.  At this point, you should have a list of factors that caused the problem you’re facing.  Now, it’s a matter of reviewing each factor objectively, do your research, and write out a solution, or solutions, that address each factor.

Example: Following the situation above, I might list the following reasons:

• Poor insulation – Close windows and doors when using A/C.  Close unused vents. Caulking.
• Too many appliances – Turn off unused appliances.  Use power strip to stop power drain.
• Not being conservative – Discuss energy saving ideas with family members.

5. Take Action

Last but not least is to stop procrastinating and take action.  It’s one thing to talk about solving a problem, it’s another to actually do it.

When you successfully work through problems without mentally becoming a victim you’ll gain confidence and power to break the cycle.  Being a victim is the easy thing to do, but fixing the problem is the right thing.

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Pinyo is the brain behind Moolanomy personal finance blog and a few other web sites. If you like this article, please subscribe for free daily email updates.

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